Tuesday, June 12, 2012


For whatever reason I find myself reflecting on the past.  Reflecting on things that were. Things that could have been.  Things that never were.  Things... People... Places... It's amazing how time can change the way you perceive things.  Change how you remember people.

Although there are times in life when I reflect on the things that I wish had happened and the people I wished they'd happened with, I am always brought back to the present.  To the life I have.  To the life I chose.

I ask myself often, if the boyfriend I had in college were the man I married how would my life have been different.  It would have been very different.  I wouldn't have the house I love, the property I love, the children I adore or the husband who loves me.  I know if I married him I wouldn't have any of those things.  I wouldn't have a husband I could trust, or even my own children.  And although I think of him often and even still love him, I'm not IN love with him.  I miss him.  And sometimes I wonder if that's wrong.  I wonder if that's an affront to my husband.  But it truly makes me love my own husband more.  How strange is that!?!

Now what if I married the boy in high school?  The boy who at the time I couldn't imagine being without.  The boy who I cried many nights over because we'd broken up.  Well I tell you what... I would most definitely not be here.  He's a meth tweeker now so I KNOW I wouldn't be with him anymore.

It seems to me the reason we reflect on life and what we gave up is not so we can wonder what we lost.  What we never had.  What or who we'll never have again.  It's so we can look at what we do have and know it's right where we're supposed to be.

No comments:

Post a Comment